proccess

this past sunday night i was extremely anxious about an assignment. (something i usually steer away from admiting.) all for this final picture. and a whopping five minutes of individual critique.

for gd 1, bernard asked for stories to relate to words in our expressive type project. (a project that began with another maddening 30 words x 30 sketches type thing.) and, seemingly, the more bs in the story the better. out of five final ideas/stories/words, i decided to go with "panic" and do something with lists. it was easy (at first) and i knew i could do it well (where the comfort zone comes in.) it wasn't until this last phase of development that i realized i was stuck with something stagnant.

i asked tara for help on this one. i had emailed bernard last week an orderly picture of a to do list with panic written on my hand. i saw nothing to be concerned about with it. it was a good piece of design. his response? make the list longer. write sloppier. mispell things. take away the student context. get rid of the check boxes. which was exactly tara's reaction. i am so used to keeping it all together, that even when i should be allowed to panic, i put up this front of calm and order. and have been, for this most part, unaware that this is how i work.

an hour or so later, and after tara helped me devise a stress simulation for stephanie to write out a list of things to do, i went back in my room and set up the lighting and re-drew the word on my hand and started taking pictures. until tara came in and stopped me again. i still had way too much control. (puts "let go" in a different light. but that's another tangent...) she started dumping my carefully color coded pen cups and throwing my books around. and there i had it.

it was a small art school milestone for me. first, i usually don't ask for outside help or opinions. i don't know quite how this idea developed, but i came here thinking that you should push yourself to discover the solution on your own. i didn't factor in the fact that you inevitably end up going in circles in your head and an outside opinion becomes desperately needed. but i'm getting better with that all. and i know that i am being pushed out of my comfort zone here. such arbitrary design is not my cup of tea. but i hope that eventually what i will develop is a way of designing that falls somewhere between simple and straightforward (and usually cliche) and totally random. i'm thinking a lot about hashing out the details of what makes my approach to design unique. (i started a word document a few days ago for a personal design manifesto.)

here's something related/unrelated that i jotted down a few days ago. just some more thinking out loud. (kind of the point of the blog to begin with...)

you learn a lot about who you are as an artist by analyzing other artists you like. for me, i struggle with feeling guilty for making art void of intention, and i put this pressure on myself to make art with a purpose. so much so that the process is forced and the purpose becomes fake. (like using "we are the world" as a rallying cry. i don't ever want the stuff i do to come off like that.) but when i think of music i like to listen to (sufjan stevens, kanye west) it's stuff that has subtle undertones of scratching at something bigger. because music/art gives you the venue to do that in a creative investigative state (ambiguity over the limits of analyzation.) and i realize that i would like my body of work to be seen in the same light. as overall moving towards something more meaningful that pure art, but without loosing perspective. or forgetting that i should be having fun with it. ultimately you want to enjoy what you do, and any impact it prompts will be an added bonus. (and coming from a more genuine place.)