Saturday, May 23, 2009

when in doubt, put it in a folder and keep it forever


for so long, "coming home" has either meant living out of a suitcase or living out of boxes, both extremely successful methods of blocking out everything else in the room and avoiding the pre-college life it represents. for a while, i even avoided calling it home. i remember hating the first time i had to come back. it was just jarring. to be truly successful away from home, you have to completely detach yourself from that former self who lived there. and that's accompanied by avoiding a return at all costs. (even if one, you miss your family, or two, this new self gets burned out and could use a break.) this complicated transition is made even worse when you realize that you actually really like living in the new place and (seemingly) can't get enough of it.

right now, i'm home home. and it's hard. i'm either sleeping in insanely late or experiencing what i'm certain is insomnia. (fun stuff.) quite literally, i've gone from 100 mph to snail speed. even with so much to process after such a loaded year, my brain can't seem to really want to get going on any of it.

but in the course of the past 24 hours a few points have converged that have taken me to a state i've never been in before: a state of purging.

take one look at my room and it's clear i'm a pack rat. i save everything. pretty much every homework assignment, every gift i've ever gotten, every article of clothing i've ever owned. look around my house, and it's no suprise. we have too much stuff in too small a space. clothes are an espcially sticky area. maybe i can blame it on being without a younger sibling to pass them down to (kip doesn't count), but what i've ended up with is layers and layers of ages and styles and sizes all being saved as if they were a wedding dress. i have a hard time seeing them go, even if i haven't worn it in a year and especially if the price tag is still on. it's an odd guilt thing. they cost money. (thank you capitalist america.) so i find a way to ignore the guilt and compensate with hyper-organization. out of sight, out of mind? only, every space with four walls has a limit that eventually gets reached. which is point number one.

point number two: finding out that the annual neighborhood garage sale was today. if i had known any earlier than friday i am certain i would have overlooked it. (but talk yourself into it late friday night, and it's on.)

point number three: wise words from one john mayer found on his blog the other night. i copied and pasted without thinking twice, but suddenly it became a needed source of reassurance and encouragement.

"but to evolve you have to dismantle, and that means accepting the idea that nothing you've created in the past matters anymore, except that it brought you here."

and so the purging begins. here's hoping the less cluttered aftermath is liberating.

1 comment:

Stephanie McKee said...

yay! yes! go go! you dont have to hold on to it all! :)